I have a lot of time off this December. Come to think of it, I have most of the month off. I saved my vacation time out of habit.
For many years, I was used to saving my days off in case my daughter had a medical emergency. It's a blessing that for 2 years now, she hasn't had anything serious. For 2 Decembers in a row, I've had the chance to just slow things up a bit and download all of the feelings and life lessons that I've been blessed enough to experience during the year.
Today is a very cold, overcast day were I live. The air is crisp and even in the warmth of indoors my nose is cold and pink. Tall Pine trees glisten with frosted diamonds everywhere.
This is the first day in such a long time that I woke up with absolutely nothing to do for the entire day. That's a pretty neat feeling.
I opened my eyes and prayed as I always do. I begin each day with gratitude and count my blessings. I've also learned to expect each day to become an array of wonderful moments and sweet surprises.
"..Go out in Joy and be led forth in Peace." - Isaiah 55:12
I asked myself how I envisioned this day to turn out. All I wanted to do was to slip into a big comfy sweater, soft jeans and furry boots. A hot cup of black coffee in hand, at the library just letting my thoughts flow through me. ...And here I am, doing exactly that.
One of the things that I've learned to pray for is to become a "teachable spirit". Too often in my life I tried to stay away from negative experiences or people. Looking back, I learned important things from each of them.
Now, I pray for the wisdom to navigate through those experiences but also to learn from them. For me, it feels like an on-going effort to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Every day and under different circumstances, I have to almost re-train my thoughts to look for the best in others and in myself.
I always approached life with a plan and strategy. Yet, the more profound my faith becomes, the more I depend on the Lord unveiling the steps of my path moment by moment, in His divine time. That's one of the hardest things for me to do, because it means that I have to relinquish my sense of control. It also means that I have to choose to be patient. The right things for me will come at the right time, and whatever is not right will slip away regardless of how I may try to hold onto it.
Faith is a commitment. It means that you patiently expect what you dream of with an open heart, knowing that your joy will manifest even if not at the present moment. Your moment will come.
Now, when faced with a decision, I merely pray and open my heart. I try my best to treat others how I would want to be treated. That doesn't always work, however.
I've learned that we can try to control our own actions, circumstances and thoughts. When you add another human being into the mix, you're adding in variables that remain out of your control. That's humanity. We're all on this journey trying to do the best that we can.
Sometimes we cause others pain. Sometimes it's cast upon us. At some point we have to make a decision about it. It's easy to know how we feel, but it's so much harder to determine what to do about it.
When the light of this life is extinguished, do we want to look back and know that we lived by principle, and worried about how others see us? Or do we want to reflect on a life lived with love, support and that positively touched the lives of others?
I choose the latter.
