The Lonesome Bride...

When you wake up in the habit of praying every morning, you sometimes wake up amidst conversations with God.  Most of the time, I express gratitude.  Sometimes, I wake up asking why.  This morning, I woke up mid-thought, declaring that it would be a better day.

It's funny, really. Things are better than they have been in a really long time. The thing is this, sometimes when we get what we pray for it's terrifying.  You see, I know how to lose things.  I learned how to let go.  I learned how to grieve in peace.

What, then?  What do we do when we get a glimpse of happiness and joy approaching around the corner?  It sometimes means that you are about to succumb to trust.  Trust in another.  Trust that your joy will not be short-lived or based on false pretense.

My parents always said, "This too shall pass".  They meant that the rough times will soon pass and that things will get better.  Somehow I taught myself to hear it differently.  I taught myself that when I start to feel joy, that too will pass. It's life.  It's a fact.  I'm not being negative.  I'm being real. Everything ends.  Pain ends, joy ends.  Right?

Or is that a cowardly view of what we are meant to pursue in this life?  Joy and peace.

I've learned that both are within each of us.  We spend a lifetime pursuing happiness in another, when really it's inside us the whole time.  Why then would we, do we, need another.?  I don't know why, but I do know how it feels to crave for human communion with another.  A level of intimacy that surpasses anything that is worldly.

This morning, in my drive in to work, a procession of tall and regal oaks adorned the road.  They were dressed in their most elegant autumn attire shining brightly in hues of red, greens and gold.  They stood tall and proud as one would stand about to welcome a bride to the altar.

And then I remembered the lonesome bride, dressed all in white that was about to grace us with her divine presence.  Winter was approaching dressed in her gown of diamonds and snow, and I wondered what mysteries she is about to reveal....

Photo from fanpop.com

The Day Love Found Me on the NYC Subway...

My heart was wide open that Saturday morning...  

That alone is uncommon for me.  If you know me, you know that my heart lives in a nearly impenetrable fortress.  
Notice that I said nearly?  
...A child's smile, the way my daughter's hair smells, a dog's loyal, loving gaze.. those things can melt my heart.  Most other things I keep far, far away.  

Why?  I concede, that to some degree it has to do with fear.  Fear, of getting hurt maybe?  
... But if you know me that may not make sense to you.  For the most part, I'm pretty bold and fearless at what life has thrown at me.  

Or, perhaps I'm guarded because God has put in my heart what I truly want.  And I am willing to wait for it.  
Now, I'm not just talking about romance here.  I'm referring to everything that is important to me in my life;  love, family, friends, career and my goals. 
 At 38, I realized that I don't know how much time I have left on this planet.  Knowing that is enough to make me never want to settle for something that my heart & mind are not truly committed to.

Since I woke up that morning, I couldn't contain my smile. June 8th, 2013.  This was the day of my 20 year High School Reunion!  I meditated and reflected on my life in a very profound way.  My heart swelled with gratitude at all of the blessings what were bestowed on us.  I felt privileged and humbled all at once.  Even taking into account the most difficult moments, I realized what a beautiful life I have been blessed with.  The people in my life have been a gift to me.   I woke my daughter up after our bags were all packed and got her and our dog ready for our fun drive to New York City.  First stop was the Bronx where my parents live.  There, we caught up for a bit, and then it was time to get ready for my big reunion.  I had decided on a black pant suit, gold sparkly heels and a matching purse.  I thought it was a sleek and elegant look to go with, without having to wear a cocktail dress.  

Why not a dress?  I love dresses.  I have tons of them.  I think I could run a boutique out of my walk-in closet.  ...That point will become relevant soon.

I chose the pant suit because I wanted to take the subway into the City.  I didn't want to be too dressed up on the train.  I contemplated driving, but besides the issue of finding parking, I really felt like I wanted to be  surrounded by the comfort of my hometown, my people, where I feel at home.

I felt excited. I admit it took me a good 5 minutes to figure out how to purchase a Metro Card from the blasted machine.  There was a transit cop standing right by me who I caught chuckling at my dilemma, without offering to help.  As handsome as he was, I toyed with the idea of kicking him in the shins with my 6 inch heels.  I decided against it seeing how (1) it would have been unladylike, and (2) he could probably have me arrested, and that would have been the end of my High School reunion.  Karma caught up with my devious plot because I once again got stuck.  This time trying to slide the card and pass through the turnstile.  I looked back, indignant.  Already knowing what I would see.  He tried to break eye contact when I looked at him, but I caught the miserable SOB chuckling again.

I furiously clicked my heels all the way up to the platform of the El-Train.  My beloved #4 train.  Famous to many for being on the NY Yankees Stadium line.  Sentimental for me because that train holds so many familiar memories for me and my friends who I grew up with.  Where I grew up, there was no school bus.  We had to take the subway or the bus in to school.  As a kid, you learn a lot about life by keeping your eyes and ears open on the subway.

Once I got up the platform I stood gazing out at my neighborhood with nostalgic longing.  A warm breeze covered me from head to toe, blowing my hair into my face on both sides.  6pm and the sun was shining strong and bright. 

Despite my stoic stance, I was taking in all of my surroundings.  Sights, sounds and people.  The train made it's fiery, thundering entrance into the platform.  We boarded and took our places randomly dispersed throughout the subway car.  We all pretended not to notice each other, for the most part- but we did.  Many of us were very well-dressed, adorned with fancy shoes and handbags. 

In a space with about 40 human beings, the only connections that were being made were with the electronic devices that we were all armored with.  No eye contact. No smiles.  No talking.  And, that suited me just fine.

I got off that train and walked over to connect to the 2nd train that I needed to take.  That platform was underground, with a type of suffocating humid heat.  There I waited longer than I'd hoped for.  Heat and impatience breed all types of negative tempers.  You could cut the tension on that platform with a knife.  

Suddenly the sound of Scottish Bagpipes filled the air.  It didn't matter if you wanted to hear it or not, it was there, and it was loud.  Thankfully, the performer chose to play a sort of rhythmic lament and that somehow made me think that is what empathy would sound like, if it had a sound.  It would sound like this street performer's melodic song...  

At that moment, I felt compelled to show him my gratitude and put money in his can to thank him for his soothing melody.  I know that it isn't smart to take out your wallet and mess with cash in the subway but this man reminded me of the musicians that kept playing while the Titanic was sinking.  That platform felt like the Titanic and that humid heat was sinking us all into misery.

That was precisely the moment where I met him.  That's when so many things came full circle for me. 

A homeless man was approaching slowly, limping.  His clothes were very dirty.  He looked weathered and tired.  In my heart, I wish that I could help all of them.  My heart hurts to see people suffering.

Ironically, he approached me with caution.  I assure you that if you see me, I don't look dangerous at all.  Serious, maybe.  Yes.  But dangerous, no.  Yet, he approached me with what felt like a lot more caution than he had approached others on that platform.  When he reached me I looked at him. Although my heart was breaking, I tried not to show it out of respect for him.  Homeless or not, he was still a man.  And even a man in his circumstances has pride.  In that moment, I didn't want him to see my heart hurt because I wanted to give him the respect that he deserved as a man.

He was an older gentleman.  The skin around his eyes were especially wrinkled, like someone who had spent a life laughing and loving a lot.  In contrast, his eyes seemed glazed over, like the eyes of someone who had cried so much that there were no longer any tears left to cry.  In his face, I could imagine a life that had come full circle.  Joy and pain.

He pointed to his cardboard sign around his neck written with a black sharpie.  It said how he was mute and deaf, was looking for work and needed help.
Now, I realize that some people use gimmicks for this.  I realize that you can't help everyone.  More than anything, I follow my heart first, and caution second.

I took out my purse and handed him some money.  In some way, he seemed surprised, as if he didn't expect this.  He pointed to the sign where it said,  "God Bless you and Thank you", and made the Namaste sign with his hands as he walked away.  I nodded and then did something that caught me even by surprise.  I smiled.  Not any smile, it was a huge heart-felt smile and I returned the Namaste gesture to him as well.
At this, he stopped and looked at me, really looked at me.  
He looked into me. 
I felt it.

He signed with his hands, and tried to mouth with his lips, "You are beautiful."  Without pause, I signed and said, "And so are you.  You are beautiful too."  At this,  he covered his mouth with one hand, and put his other hand over his heart.  For a few moments we just looked at each other.  Then he signed, thank you.  I nodded.  What followed this, was pretty amazing to me.

He asked me for a hug.  And, I did. 
I hugged him, sincerely.  
When we broke the embrace, his eyes were visibly glazed with tears.  And he thanked me.  I said, "No, thank you for that hug."  He stood there as if trying to reconcile the moment.  

You wouldn't believe that precisely then, the train pulled in.  I said goodbye and entered the train taking a seat where I was facing him standing outside.  His hand still remained over his heart, and his eyes still glazed with tears, except now there was an incredible smile on his face too.

It was only then that I realized that the people on the train were watching us.  Some in what seemed like disbelief or disapproval.  The terrible smell of his clothing, lingered on my jacket.  Strangely, I appreciated the reminder of what had just taken place.   As the train was about to pull out, he waved and signed "I love you".  I smiled and waved, mouthing, "I love you too" through the glass window.

Only when the train pulled away, and he could no longer see me, did the tears start to roll down my face.  They wouldn't stop.   They fell onto my shimmery gold purse, making my tears sparkle in the light. I wiped my face and thanked God.   I prayed with so much gratitude.  One may think that perhaps I was attempting to help him when I gave him money.  No. 
It was him who helped me. 
. 
In a world that has felt so cold, and so electronic for so long, this man's smile, embrace and humanity breathed life into me.  That vulnerable soul penetrated the walls that keep my heart distant.  In that moment, I allowed myself to get close to someone in a way that I hadn't in so long.  That moment was a gift, and in his own way he taught me so much.

When I got off the train, I walked a few blocks to the locale for the reunion, where I'm sure many of us were focused on where life brought us, what we do, kids, home, timeshares... and I looked down at my sparkly gold shoes as I walked.  It hit me hard.  None of it matters, if we are not connecting with each other as human beings.  None of it matters if we are not focused on the things that make a difference.  In the end, the only thing we get to take and keep is how we made each other feel.

June 8, 2013.  It was the day of my High School reunion, but it was also the day I felt reunited with me.  

... And with you.

The Gold Purse making it's appearance at my 20th High School Reunion..  One of those sparkles holds the remnants of a tear, from just 2 hours before...

Melo-Drama, Bollywood & Fish...

Scene:

I have my hair clipped up and sort of coming down at the sides.  My eyes feel heavy and tired.  The muscles in my neck and shoulders are so tight.  In the background, you hear an Indian soap opera playing on TV, because the truth is that I'm hooked on Bollywood.  

I have no idea what they're saying for the most part, yet I watch the soaps and own a DVD collection.

Like the Spanish soap operas that many of us Latinas have grown up with, they are full of drama, suspense, over-exaggerated facial expressions, unbelievable fashions, cleavage & lots of make-up.  At any given moment, someone may break out into song and dance.  Often, the themes center around love, hate, passion and forbidden love.  And all of those things, orbit around a secretly dysfunctional family dynamic.

Sound familiar to anyone?

Bole Chudiyaan (Hindi Video & Dance)

One of my favorites.  My daughter, my niece and I can sing every lyric (and have no idea what we're saying..)

Maybe, just maybe life seems like a little bit of a let-down, or disappointment at times when you grow up watching such intense story-lines and drama.  It took me a long time to find pleasure in life's ordinary moments rather than a flashy display of grandiose emotion.

Keep your expensive gifts, and dramatic displays.  Instead, hold my hand, push my hair away when it falls in my face.  Share the silence with me and let it resonate emotions that don't even need to be said.

Yes, it would seem that it took years to un-do all of the expectations that those Spanish Novelas weaved in my adolescent mind.  What makes love powerful is the gem that lays hidden in the bond between souls, not the display case. Sometimes that bond transcends time, and distance.  It's how loyal we choose to remain to that feeling, and how we choose to honor it.

On the up-side, I'm entranced by most things exotic and take so much pleasure in watching Bollywood movies or novelas.  The colors, the language, the dance..  You've probably guessed that my kitchen is subject to this same passion.  I enjoy taking something simple and giving it an exotic flair.

I want to romance your palate, and your senses.

Recently, I had my friends over for some much needed girl-time.  I decided to make what I call Caribbean Curry Fish on a bed of Jasmine rice and some fresh, hot Roti on the side.  The taste of the curry fish sauce and fresh veggies and herbs, tingled your lips and dance in your mouth.  So good!

Girl-time on the porch

Next time you're feeling adventurous, break out in song and dance like a Bollywood movie, and give this dish a try...

Caribbean Curry Fish (Sofrito-Style)

Swai Fillet washed in water and a little vinegar 

 On a large piece of aluminum foil, drizzle olive oil, a squeeze of lime and pepper, sprinkle garlic powder & a small amount of sea-salt.

Place the filet that sheet of aluminum foil, and drizzle olive oil, a squeeze of lime and pepper, sprinkle garlic powder & a small amount of sea-salt- this time on top of the fish.

  Surround filet with fresh spinach leaves

Lightly cover the filet with good quality curry powder to taste.  

I like a lot...

Add in fresh-grated ginger

  Add hot pepper or sauce (optional)

   Cover the filet entirely with red onion, multil-colored peppers, and mushrooms

   Top off with fire-roasted red peppers

.   Wrap & seal aluminum foil, cook in oven for about 35 minutes

   When ready, top off with a slice of fresh lemon and chopped cilantro , rosemary and basil.

Serve with a side of steaming jasmine rice and roti.

The Fever.

You have it.  I have it.  The fever.  Spring Fever.

It's that time of the year when the Earth breathes new life into everything she touches... including me.

You already know how much I enjoy cooking with natural, fresh ingredients.  Now, let's bring that into the bath...

I need to RELAX.  I feel like I've been through all sorts of roller coasters lately.  Exciting things, Ups then Downs. I've been overcome with thought & planning.  It's taken a toll on my muscles even.

If you asked me to go to a spa with you, I'd likely try and convince you to stay home and to give this a try instead.




I like to do these things at home, in my own environment with things that I've made with my own hands.

That's important to me because when I use ingredients or plants that I've prepared, it helps me to appreciate the journey that those ingredients took to get to me, and the hands they passed through.  Each set of hands had their own story behind them.

...Who planted these lemons?
...Who picked them?

It makes me wonder about those people, and what moves them.  What stirs their soul? Eventually all these random thoughts lead me to meditate and put that positive energy to good use. 

Next time you're too busy to go to the spa, are on a budget or just want to give this a try on your own...

Cut a whole lemon in slices, half of a cucumber and half of a kiwi.
Kiwi and Cucumber are terrific for your skin, and your eyes in particular.

I wet a towel and then microwave as hot as I can tolerate it...

It's important that you remain well-hydrated as the salts draw out the toxins.  Be sure to bring a nice, cold glass of water with you.

I like to place white candles all over the bath.
Add in your favorite playlist or CD.
Tonight, I was playing The Weeknd.  So perfect.

Make your own Detoxifying Bath

I bought a large jar, like the one in the photo and mixed

Epsom Salt

Lavender Scented Epsom

Eucalyptus/Camphor Salts

A small jar of ground ginger

1 jar of Sea Salt

These should all be mixed well inside the jar.

Mix in the warmest water that you can tolerate.  Throw in one cup full of the salts into the water.
These salts will not only serve as aromatherapy but they will also exfoliate and draw out toxins from your skin.

Add in a little of your favorite essential oils.
My favorites are Lavender, Jasmine or Grapefruit.

Add in fresh, fragrant herbs like Rosemary, Lavender, Mint...  Use and combine as you like.
I used all three from my herb garden.  It feels incredible to close your eyes and take those fresh, crisp aromas in.

Throw in the lemon slices.... this is so nice to rub on your skin as you're in the bath.

Ease yourself in and take nice, easy deep breaths.  Prepare to let everything go.
The salts, the ginger and lemon  promise to drain everything out of you slowly.

Place that hot towel over your shoulders and neck. Relax.  Breathe.  Smile, it's quite alright.
That's what you were meant for.  To FEEL.  To Feel Joy.  And to relish that feeling in peace.

Remember to give this a try next time you have a few moments alone, and need to get back in touch with yourself.  Spring's new energy is back.  Make sure that you save some of that for you...

Sweet dreams.

From the garden to your bath

 

That Constant Craving...

My version of Ceviche.. or Salpicon...

You know what I'm talking about.  I know you do.  That constant craving that overtakes your thoughts from time to time.  As a matter of fact, it never quite comes at the right time.  It can even be painfully distracting.  You want what you want.  Period.

I won't lie.  It happens to me.  All the time. 

Life, faith and maturity have a way of teaching you which cravings to give into, when and how.  There's even a way to make it fun.

See, I have rules.  I need rules.  I live by them.  I don't even really know how to break them... anymore.  I'm sure there was a time that I did.  My rules are simple to follow though.  Do onto others as you would want done unto you.

One of the things that drive me the craziest in this planet, is people who think "it" can't happen to them, or that the rules somehow don't apply to them.  What makes me apprehensive about this group, is that it often starts with something small like a white lie or omission of the truth.  Harmless, right?  No, not if you are on the receiving end.

I'm not passing judgment either.  At one time or another, I've been on either side of that spectrum.  I'm only saying that maturity and fairness have a way of helping us put ourselves in someone else's shoes.  The rules apply to us all.  There will never be a way to escape that.  We can find creative ways to delay the truth, but Justice is ever so persistent.

I've found a way to give into my cravings.  I always ask myself a basic question-  

"Could the outcome either hurt others, or hurt myself?"

Today, I craved DECADENCE.  I wanted something satisfying but hard to get.  I wanted to treat myself to something delicious.

So I had that conversation with myself.  "After all of the hard work that I've been doing, do I really want or need to be setting myself back?"  

Friends, this is an important question to pose to yourself from time to time- if you're willing to give yourself an honest answer.

I've learned that we all have feelings.  They are ours.  It's okay.  However, just because we have these feelings, doesn't mean that we have to act on them.  And even if it's okay to act on them, not always do we need to act on them now.

Time and discipline have a way of acting in our favor, often guiding us with clarity.  Easier said than done. Been there.  Done that.

To that point, I remind myself that everything I am presently doing to raise my 12 year old daughter will also have an impact on the 16 year old, 23 year old, 35 year old, 57, 65 & 88 year old of her future self.

I look at myself in that very same way.  The decisions that I make for the 37 year old me, today should also be for the benefit of the 40, 42, 57, 65 and 88 year old me.  The should continue to also benefit my loved ones, and loved ones in the future.   I willingly and gratefully shoulder that responsibility to myself and those in my life.

That's why it's crucial to have people in our lives who don't necessarily tell us what we want to hear, but commit themselves to our best interests and guide us toward our best future self. Yesterday, and today were very hectic and aggravating days for me.  Interesting because I don't typically get aggravated easily.  I have a longer fuse than most.  Although, when that fuse blows, duck behind something.  Just, duck.

I've been working out intensely, and religiously. My nutrition is en pointe as always, but using my upcoming vacation as a motivator, I've reduced my caloric intake.  I don't have a long way to go really, it's just that I don't feel like doing it... so that's even more reason to be like Nike... and just DO IT.

When I really feel unmotivated, I call one of my best friends, Brett.  He knows the way my mind works all too well, and can always find an uncanny way to motivate me.  Sure, I hang up the phone cursing him out under my breath, but you know what, I know that he is right.  And, I know that his concern is not just for the 37 year old me now, but for the 40 year old that plans to be in a bikini off the Andalucian coast of Spain.  That's a friend.

My dear friend, and nutrition guru, Brett.

He's also great about finding recipes that will keep me motivated.  Brett knows that I eat berries daily, I absolutely love them.  Back when we used to work together he would often surprise me with blueberries when he came back from lunch.  Me?  Like a kid in a candy store!

Recently we were talking about how chocolate is my downfall.  Later that week he emails me a picture of raspberries stuffed with dark chocolate chips.  Both the berries and the dark chocolate are good sources of anti-oxidants, that keep you healthy, vibrant and feeling great.  You can have 10-20 of these in one sitting and it's so much better for you than a candy bar.

My dessert today.  Raspberries stuffed with DARK chocolate chips.

All day today, and yesterday, I thought about a delicious salad that I had at a restaurant in TriBeCa, NYC.  The restaurant is Flor De Sol.  Excellent in so many ways.  I highly recommend it.
The salad that I had is called Salpicon.  It's seafood, purple onion, olives, peppers in olive oil and vinegar.  I enjoyed it immensely, but since I've kept thinking about how I would make it my own.

For 2 days I have been craving that salad, and the succulent, decadent chunks of crab and scallops tingling my mouth with lemon juice, vinegar and olive oil.  Since I didn't want to go to the gym today, I decided that if I did go, and gave it my all, that I would make this salad for dinner.  That was all the intensity that I needed.  My workout ended up feeling so good that I didn't want to stop and actually went longer.

After stopping at the market and getting fresh Alaskan crab, lobster, scallops, shrimp and clams I went home and put it all together with multi-colored peppers, purple onion, black olives, pepper, a crushed garlic clove, a pinch of salt, fresh-squeezed lime, vinegar and olive oil. I'm sure you have already figured out just how much I love avocado.  You guessed it.  I'm having it as a side to the salad. Divine.

One thing though... remember that I wanted something hard to get?  Rather than buying the lump crab meat ready-made I bought the crab fresh, cooked it and shelled it myself.  Nothing beats authenticity.  Nothing.

 

Eating healthy is a beautiful thing, as long as you respect serving sizes.  I took the rest of the washed seafood, marinade, peppers, olive oil, lime juice, garlic and sealed that in a mason jar.  The acid from the vinegar and lime juice will cook the seafood inside the jar.  You can leave that in the fridge, untouched, for a couple of days.  It's A-MAZING!

It was simple, natural and the time that it took to prepare, gave me time to unwind and set my mind back at ease.  How nice it was to sit with a glass of wine, and have this  healthy and decadent meal that was not only delicious, but it was something that I really, truly wanted- and earned.

That's my point.  It's great to treat ourselves to things that we want.  It's just on a greater level when it's something good for us, that we worked hard for and earned.  When the moment comes, it is a truly delicious moment.

Muy buen provecho!

Straight from my Mom's kitchen

Hey good-lookin'!  What'cha got cookin'?

So, I bet some of you are wondering if I've been cooking, and if so why haven't written about it lately.  I would wonder too.

The truth is that while I have still been cooking, and even some new dishes that you you'd enjoy, I haven't felt compelled to necessarily write about them yet.  Part of it is that I've had challenges with the photos.  I will only use my own photos here.  The lighting in my new kitchen is not the greatest for pictures, although dynamite for ambiance.

The core of the matter is that for many reasons, I haven't "felt" it.  A year ago or so I shared with you that cooking is an emotional experience for me.  Even something simple like a salad, is not really simple for me.  I can't help but to pour my feelings into my dishes.  It really does remind me of that book (and movie) Like Water For Chocolate.

Although it may sound poetic, it can also be a burden.  Some things, and some feelings are too profound and heavy.  Sometimes, rather than to experience them all over again, I rather just put those thoughts into a safe place until I'm ready to reconcile them.

Today, is a special day however.  Today, I'm sitting in my mother's kitchen in The Bronx, NY and watching her cook.  I'm actually sitting in the same chair in the far corner of the kitchen where I told you that Mamita would sit to watch my mom cook & chat with her.  This chair is a tradition.

My daughter, brother and Dad are spending time together in the other room.  My brother occasionally comes in the kitchen to make us laugh or crack a joke.  He is one of the funniest people that I have ever met, and can make my mother and I laugh until we're in tears.  He's also scoping the kitchen and being tortured by the smell of Mami's cooking, repeatedly asking, "Is it ready yet!".  My daughter also keeps doing the same while stopping to play with the magnets on her Nanny's fridge.

Again, my brother just came into the kitchen and just looks at me with that dry sarcastic glare.  I tell him that  I'm writing about him as we speak and he says, "Defamation.", as he walks away.  That's our dynamic, dry sarcasm.  It sometimes makes our mother crazy!

I have a long drive back home and my mom wants to make sure my daughter and I eat "una comida criolla" before we leave New York City.  Home-cooked meals are just her specialty.

This is the lady who taught me to cook with my heart.  As I watch her, I see so much of myself in her.  How much she cares, how deeply she feels her emotions.  How she communicates best with her gestures.

I miss these moments so much, and I treasure them with all my heart.  I couldn't let the moment pass, so I grabbed by iPad and here I am.  I want you to be part of this moment with me.

Today Mami is making Arroz con Costillas y Guandules!  A whole delicious meal made in a traditional rice pot, that used to belong to my grandmother, Mamita.  It's spare rib tips in yellow Criolle-style rice with peas.

Mami starts off with her hand-made sofrito.  She didn't have any pre-prepared, so she does it by hand.  Some people, like my friend Omar, prefer to do it that way.  It's a matter of preference, really. I enjoy both ways of making sofrito very much!  Actually, it's how it tastes and smells that I love... and all of the memories that it brings back.

I love watching my mom in the kitchen. She puts so much love in everything.

Mami cuts culantro leaves, mashes up fresh garlic in her pilon, cuts some white & purple onions, meticulously chops cubanelle peppers and the small delicious multi-colored ajis.  She also sneaks over some fresh-cut peppers and feeds them to me while I'm typing away.  Towards the end, she adds in fresh cilantro.

The trimmed and chopped spare rib tips have been marinating in apple cider vinegar and very little oil, with Sazon, Adobo, black pepper & garlic powder.  Mix well, cover tightly and let marinate overnight in the refrigerator.

In a large pot, already heated, Mami lets the meat cook down- only partially. Once you mix through, you will notice that in the water the ribs have rendered some fat.  Mom scoops this out as much as she can to reduce the amount of fat in the dish.

Then, she smothers the ribs with the homemade sofrito, mixes it through and adds in 2 cans of Goya guandules and one can of Goya tomato sauce.  Mix through again and add your rice and water.  Let that cook through as you would normally when you make rice.  The aroma will drive you crazy!

Serve with a side of garden salad dressed in olive oil and balsamic, and a slice of avocado on the side.  Healthy, delicious Puerto-Rican comfort food!

Muy buen provecho!  

I'm going to stay a while, and enjoy watching my Mami and have her delicious food.  
... I wish that you were here with me!

The Moment...

... The moment you reunite with your childhood dreams.

...The moment when you realize that so many people can't be wrong about something they said about you.

... when you realize you have a lot of work to do & you're up for the challenge.

...The moment when you decide to let go.

...The moment when you realize that what you weigh is your choice.

...  The moment when you realize that your "type" isn't really your type...

... the moment that you realize that love doesn't have to hurt.

... the moment when you thanked God for not doing what was easiest.

(...  the moment you thanked God)

... the moment you let yourself  DREAM.

...  The moment that you answer before he calls to you.

...  the moment that he hears you before you speak.

... the moment when you realize that you see her eyes even when yours are closed.

... the moment that his hand held yours for the first time.

.... the moment that took your breath away. 

... the moment when the truth stirs inside of you.

...  the moment where you decide to trust & obey.

... the moment when you find what you are looking for.

...The moment when it's 2:18 am and you can't sleep until you write this.

... This moment.

Energia.

...I don't care how much you think you know a person.

You can't possibly completely know a person because as human beings, we continue to evolve until our last breath.  

We don't ever know our own full potential.  And if you wake up and decide you've reached your full potential, then it's time to up your game.  Complacency is dangerous.

When it comes to the people in our lives, we hope that their own evolution will complement ours.  What happens if it doesn't?  Is that repairable?  Can you work through it?  I hope so.  I'm a believer that if there's a true partnership, it can be done.

That applies to family, friendships and intimate relationships.  How much do we want to invest?

I thought about that a lot today. I woke up early this morning, and decided to leave a nice roast slow-cooking with some full-bodied red wine, potatoes, carrots and salt & pepper.

Did you notice that I left out the Latin seasonings.  Today, I was all about simplicity.

In the meantime, I went to church, spent time with my friends afterwards, and then went to the gym.  I confirmed something I've known about myself today.  I like to be anonymous at the gym.  Even when approached with friendly conversation, I shy away from it there.  That's my quiet time to reflect...

By the time I got in, the roast smelled divine.  I threw some Jasmine rice in the rice cooker opened up a bottle of Malbec and let myself unwind in a hot shower.   I let the physical exhilaration of an intense workout set in and relax me.  What I had a hard time relaxing was my mind.  Strange, because my soul was definitely at peace.

The question becomes- where does all this energy go? 

Where is this evolution taking me?  Who I am today, is not the woman that I was five years, ten years ago.   I like this one so much better. 
I'm smiling so big right now as I write this... God only knows what's around the bend.  I'm game for what He has in store for me.  He has never let me down.  What I thought would break me, has made me a force.  So then, what's the worst that can happen?

Bring it.

The Myth Dispelled.

The same woman, to the 4th power.

Please allow me to un-confuse...  That's not a word.  I'm exercising my artistic freedom...

To know me is to have someone loyal, and faithful, in your corner.  I play by the rules, I love hard, but not easily.  I'm guarded by nature, and it makes sense why.  I know that I have a lot to give.  To the wrong people, that could potentially consume me.  So I leave it up time, and my discretion.

Now, not many people get that far.  Why?  Labels.  I suppose that it's human nature to try and fit things, and people, into a mold.  Don't bother.  I'll frustrate the life out of you.  I won't fit.

...Come to think of it, neither do you. You are more complex than you may be giving yourself credit for.  And even for those of you who pride yourselves on being "simple", I believe that the mere fact that you think so, proves your depth.

This is why I will confuse you.

I'm a God-loving woman.  I spend hours during the week, reading and contemplating scripture.  I put a lot of effort into sincere prayer.  I relish my quiet time with God.  I'm comfortable saying the "J" word anytime, anywhere.  Jesus.  That's right.  I'm typically in church 3 days a week.

That being said, I grew up with a Jewish step dad, and best friends with a Muslim family.  It's ingrained in me to love and respect others regardless of their beliefs.  In college, I decided to take an academic approach to it all and studied Islam, Christianity and Judaic studies in tandem.  I loved it!

Now, here's another layer.  I love dance.  Any and all kinds.  Growing up where I did, Hip Hop, Reggae, Bachata, Merengue, Salsa, Soca... African & Middle Eastern dance.  That's where my heart is. Percussion.  I dance for fun, and I've choreographed in the past as well.  I come alive when I dance.  Few things bring me as much joy as dancing does.

I was a deejay at a radio station for almost 4 years, and most people didn't know who it was, even people that knew me.  It's always so interesting to me when some people can't assimilate the part of me they know, with the person who I am.  All of her.

Peel another layer...  I am secretly a nerd.  I am passionate about science. As a teen I was in love with Chemistry & Physics.  My biology teacher kept my lab assignments as examples for future classes.  My fascination with science is that in my own mind, it helps me understand my faith.  To me, science proves what I believe about the universe.  It comes second nature to me... like dance does.

Oh, there's more.  Please don't let the red lipstick and hoop earrings confuse you...

My career is something that I am deeply dedicated to an enjoy. I can look back and see an undulating flow of success and failures that have built me up to become a well-respected authority in my field, and among my peers.


My point is... my request is... please don't try and put me in a pre-fabricated box, don't label me.  Don't define me.  It won't fit.  Do you know why?

I define myself as I go along in my journey.  I respect others.  I do onto others as I would want done to me.  While I may seek counsel, I won't seek approval.

The woman in church spending time with the Lord, the doting mother, the girl getting down to reggae on the dance floor, the executive, the academic, the writer, the passionate dreamer- they are ALL me.

And I love her that way.